I come here often.

I click on POST.

And then I sit here and stare and the while screen, with the blinking I..............

and I think.....wow......how do I articulate in this blank space, the magnitude of one small event in my life into meaningful words that make someone smile or feel something, or understand where I come from?
How do my mundane life experiences enrich anyone?
Does anything I even say--matter?

I feel so small sometimes, the world is so big and so full of so many intersting people. Why would anyone want to know about lil ole me??
I'm pretty boring.
My stay at home mama life consists of taking kids to school, and caring for 2 preschoolers all day....making sure 4 children are fed, clothed, entertained, educated, enriched and have a little fun.

When you boil it down to that, it seems pretty blah.

I don't know if I matter to random people, but I know I matter in the lives of 4 children. And I guess that has to be enough.

Been so busy having fun that I have not had time to blog at all.
Barely have had time to check emails on my phone! haha.

Maine is amazing.

We are staying at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast.
Our room is so pretty and victorian, it's just quaint here, lots of antiques in the house.
This house was built around 1886.
It's OLD.
The floors creak, and the style is just so pretty and dainty.

The trees are so pretty--orange, pink, red, yellow....just an  explosion of color!
And so many trees. Almost claustraphobic with how many trees and how they just create a tunnel over the roads to drive thru.

The ocean---so vast, so big, so breathtaking.
You get out of your car and the smell and taste of the ocean just wash over you, it's intense.
It's a good smell and taste.
And it's funny because it's not a bad thing, and funny how hours later, you lick your lips and can taste the salt.

Yesterday we went to Lighthouses and walked and climbed as far/close as we could.
I loved seeing the lighthouses and reading the history and when they were built, etc.
Lighthouses are amazing.

We went to Bar Harbor the other day, and walked across the bar at low tide.
It was amazing to see the spot that was just hours before covered by sea water, be dry and able to walk across
And it's not just a small spot, it's huge!
You can drive your car across the bar!!!! And people DID!! LOL!!! It was hysterical!
We collected shells and saw a crab and just enjoyed the experience.
It was so fun!

We went to Stewman's Pound and ate a whole lobster!
Wow, that was an interesting experience....LOL
They did not prepare us for the poo/guts explosion when you pull the tail off, it was pretty gross, and hilarious, because the innards explosion flew about 10 feet and hit a table of old crabby people who were totally UNamused at our newbie-ness with lobster.
HAHAHAHHHAHAHAHa!!!!

Lobster is soooo expensive. wow. We have been stunned at how big our bills have been each meal.
whoa!
Good thing we planned ahead and brought lots of cash!! haha.

What else?? oh the touristy shopes. They are so cute and tiny and quaint.
We are going shopping today for souviners!
fun fun!!

ok, it's breakfast time here at the B&B.....gotta go and have more fun.

So, I giggled inside and said "sure, ok hun!"
 

With which he took to be an ok, sure hun, go demo!
And he went to work.
He gutted the bathroom, except for the tub/shower.
He made pretty good time too!!
So then, we went shopping, to put it back together.
Got about 1/4th of the stuff we needed, and got started......
Then it was midnight, and we went to bed.

This morning, he went after it again.

And here is where the dumbassery begins.

We decided that after we painted, that flooring needed to go in next, so we went and picked out some vinyl.
We choose one we like.
But we don't know measurements.
So the saleslady tells us that she has to sell it in 12 feet by whatever feet we want.
ok
So we go home to measure.
Get the measurements, go back and tell her, and pay for it.

Then we wonder HOW the heck we are going to get home a 12 foot long piece of vinyl in the POURING RAIN.

Chuck loads up a blanket to cover it with and off he goes.
When he gets there, it's by the door.....rolled up......THE 5 FOOT WAY, NOT the 12 foot way!
LOL!
We are stupid.
haha.
Dumbassery #1.

Here's #2:
We were all done painting.....it was dry. Time to install the new pretty light fixture! yay!!
Power off, take off old one, using flashlights.
Hook up new one.
Power on!
WHOOT!!! pretty.
(ok, so it took A LOT longer than that, but hey!)
So, I'm taking care of kids while he's finishing up the light, and he calls me up and says:
"How TALL is the mirror we bought for above the sink???......"
me: ummmmm----taller than that light is right now.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we are soo stupid.
So we go measure the sink vanity and mirror, and there is NO WAY that the light will fit where it's at, and the mirror
is a medicine cabinet mirror, so it's WIDE at the top.
The new light fixture is different than the old one, and hangs DOWN, with big sconces.
NO WAY it'll work, unless we'd move it wayyyy up high. and that would look dumb.

So we jump in the vehicle and run to the store.
And as we are standing there, looking at lighting......we both come to the realization that DURRR, we could flip the light UPSIDE DOWN, so the sconces are facing UPWARDS, and solve our problem without returning or spending more $$.
We are retarded.

And dumbassery moment #3  is by FAR the WORST!
(we are learning SOOOO MUCH as we go!)

Ok, so we get home and are going to flip the light, and realize that we need to move it up like 4 inches.
OK, so we cut a hole, and reach down in there to pull the electric wire back up thru the hole.
It's sorta difficult, as we are working behind the sheetrock.
So I reach my fingers in there and grab the wire, and try to pull it, it won't come, so I grab a screwdriver and sort of hook it,
and then grab and twist and get it thru.
Chuck grabs it and wiggles it thru as well as the other wires.

We hook it up, attach the light......and then he goes, better go turn power back on.
And then he freezes and says:
FLIP THE SWITCH.

So I do.
The light goes ON.

WE WERE WORKING WITH LIVE  ELECTRICAL WIRES!!!!
omg
OMG
O.M.G.

He'd turned the power back on before we left, and I didn't know, and he forgot, and didn't turn it back on.
holy moley!!

I told the kids that they should stop RIGHT NOW and thank the LORD that they are not orphans.
geesh!!!

sooooo crazy and STUPID.
geesh.


Today was FULL of dumbassery.
Let's pray that tomorrow is NOT, as we are laying vinyl, re-installing the toilet, installing the new vanity/sink and mirror, trim, and paint touchups, and so forth and so on.
And HOPEFULLY we shall finish before Chuck goes back to work.
heh.



And I shall leave you with a photo of my pretty new light, right above the old hole, that we shall patch and paint tomorrow.
Isn't it sooo nice?!?!
awww.
 

more pix of my bathroom to come......and when it is done, THEN we can move our bedroom upstairs.
THEN we can arrange the kids back to normal.
and THEN we can start putting our basement back together.
GEESH, what a PROCESS!!!!!!

night!

oh and p.s.---be sure to thank the good Lord, that Chuck and I are alive and were not electrocuted today!!! :-)

As I contemplate the ways that my life has changed since that day in 2000, I cannot help but think how interesting it is, that so many people have come into my life, since then, who also have had a stillbirth/loss, who can relate and comfort me and understand......

I wonder, sometimes still, WHY ME??
why was MY baby chosen?
Why not someone who wasn't a good mother?
And I do know, deep in my heart, that there are no good reasons, it just is what it is.


So, on her birthday, I have nothing scheduled......no plans made.....and I like it that way.
No pressure to do anything, or be anywhere, or act any certain way.
I can just do whatever feels right. And planning her day that way is what feels right to me.


More tomorrow, I am sure....